my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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