Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
