Someone shit on the floor
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
