dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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