You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Don't make out with my wife yet
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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