you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize