My nipple is on Facebook.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
