Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
