Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
