How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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