Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
