Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
