Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
