This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
