my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
