she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
