Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
