Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize