make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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