My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
