pop tarts are not kleenex
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I got inside last night via doggy door
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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