hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
