my mouth tastes like poor choices
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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