Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
