After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
being pregnant is like rehab
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
