The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
