I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
do herpes really smell.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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