i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
