You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
