guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Text me some of your sweat
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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