You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
