i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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