Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is Oprah even human
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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