Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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