i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
