dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
