Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
do nipples grow back?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
