one might say we're banned from that church
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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