i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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