Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
