I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
