Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
