I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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