I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
