Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
