this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
