my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
