it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
