Yo dont text me then not text me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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