I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
