Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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