thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
