Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
