He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
