The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I hope mine doesn't look like that
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
