I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize