we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
