Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
