I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
