He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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