I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
