things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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