His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
