I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
